fashion victimizer

2011-09-05T13:45:00.004+08:00

people seem to complain everywhere, love is not evident in their life. that the right 'one' is never to be found. evidently, these people are just being crude. if ego does not exist, would we still be lonely? because of the choices in life we make, the way we are brought up and the way we view things in life, man tend to choose based on their own ideal idea of a perfect soul mate.

criteria;

tall
skinny
flawless

what of those of other genre?
we say love is unfair
that the equilibrium of this universe is screwed since love is not given a fair share amount at all.
some suggest that love in only among equals, those of the same status quo. of same ranking and of same taste.

well, what we never realize is, many adores you but rejection is what you do.
look back, how many rejections have you made and how many rejections have you received?

never do we appreciate what we have, broken asunder all hopes in every direction thus love never be requited. yes. it is your choice whom to love, and whom to be hate.
yet
never will you realize that the one who would truly cherish you, is the one who has never made the cut.

preferences;
stop to think. love IS meant for all. only preferences diminished all.
never assume. just embrace.
don't just complain.
try

*talking rubbish again
fuck

recuperate

2011-08-28T00:40:00.003+08:00

all the time in the world, all the money that we have, can never give back what is loss.

though it seems precious to all, we care not where it befalls. we canter to its limit, jog through all the ticks and yet never are we to remind ourselves of the time we have spent idle. lost. quiet. rested. dead
looking back, i have been foolish.
shot down by the haters. i am been left hollow
outcast, deserted,reprimanded, in short, hated.

honestly, i have left the world of fashion.
i know its not for me.
but I'm sucked back in.
i am voided.
jagged. wounded.

i miss having a place of my own. a place to hide from the torturous reality which we exist to knock each other down, to discourage the powerful and disarm the faithful.we are impure of hate. whatever happen, we can never erase such facts. what are we really? we envy and destroy oneself towards what purpose? to succeed while others fail? we hate therefore were human? compassion does not exist. such delusions are of mythical proportions. LIES. never trust a stranger. if we don't then who are we to trust? a mirrored harlot of oneself?

to hate and to prosper.
that's what is suppose to be.
to succeed is to destroy
that is reality.

au revoir mon cheri.
Je suis le diable
ne pas le ange

pre-shoot before the diploma show

2010-05-21T12:50:00.002+08:00

no more diploma

2010-05-17T17:08:00.005+08:00

after all that had happened thank god i managed to finished my diploma. though it's not the best this was all that was i able to do in such short notice. i dont really care of your negative opinions of my collection. at least its not stolen ideas. its from my own mind and if by chance u've seen it before, its by pure coincidence. not one design is original in this world, just different ways of emulating ideas.
the only question that always pop in mind is why does my designs lack futuristic components like what other designers are doing today. my answer is simple. i love the rich costumes of history more than the avant garde silver of tomorrow. it's sincerely based on the man's mind and likes than current trends and styles for their own collection.

sorry.
with the end result and all the hate, consideration to continue fashion is still doubt. degree is such a blur... maybe i'll continue masscom. maybe..

diploma collection:

2010-02-27T15:21:00.003+08:00

desperate

2010-02-24T18:15:00.005+08:00

fuck!!!!!!!!
its only been 2 hours since im grounded yet i am totally paranoid/lonely/scared/traumatized/desperate...

i need my handphone...
even though its not ringing its nice to know you can at least have communication to the outside world whenever you're alone.

alone
no handphone
cant go out
cant continue my studies
had to delete facebook

bummer

deprived

2010-02-24T17:18:00.001+08:00

im grounded.
cant continue my studies.
mum forced me to quit.
the end of my career in fashion
Au revoir

never mind the idiot

2010-02-21T17:36:00.005+08:00

thus the beginning of thy new era although what may be called a bit imploring to justify, the end of a dynasty the crumbling of a monastery and the final legacy to my unnerving life as a disproportionate student, deaf to thy feeling of any physical sensation soon, the ball of the night shall end in delight.

in other words....

FINAL SEMESTER

what seem like an endless journey towards the final marker has seemingly come to a final end. in another few final months i shall end my time as a glorified designer of a student.

finally..

an end.

DRAMA

though thought of as another snicker of joy injected to give another sensation to the zest of living in a world of dying legends, surrounds me in its glimmer of hope and injustice forever making life as miserable as possible. oh what new HATE shall i meet soon?? yes. hate. new hateful resigns to meet in my coming years...

started off as a student forever destined to draw life in it's accurate glory, rejected i did, avoiding the call of the canvas to sew more and more desperado designs in the form of dress..
how it seems so funny for me, a ruffian to divulge in the world of beauty and euphoric nature of serene softly lined fabric.

FASHION

in the mind of the bimbonics = expensive clothing, beauty, fame, glamour++

what actually reads as a warning sign to drama, hate, anger, lust, vengeance, no sleep, tired life, hollow victory and lies.

i may not continue in this line of work.
i find myself not worthy.
i hate the judgmental eyes of the discriminating public.
i hate to be looked at.
i hate to bargain.
i hate everything to do with humanity.

I AM A PRIVATE PERSON

so be it.
final destitution

welcome to the dark labyrinth of disaster which can literally be translated to the dysfunctional mind of ZHARIN ZERRONEMO ZIPPER.

enjoy the pleasures of the end.
wait for my final show.
the diploma show of distorted demure.
my end.

p.s,

i blog this when I'm in a state of blurred loneliness.
i don't have many opportunity to blog as often as before.
living as a final semester student sucks..
though i finish things fast,
loads of works, short dateline and stab-your-back kind of friends do you no good.
what's left is a whole lot of propaganda and lies.
no friend does not mean no future.

WARNING

life is best lived alone with your work
creating beauty which derives from your mind.
i rather stay alone and finish all my works as i have proclaimed in my mind than go out to have fun and do last minute work..

shit. i've got to stop writing crap.

i mourn the death of you oh great Lee Alexander McQueen...

dear cancerians

2009-12-14T05:56:00.004+08:00

Cancer is a mysterious sign, filled with contradictions. They want security and comfort yet seek new adventure. They are very helpful to others yet sometimes can be cranky and indifferent. Cancer has a driving, forceful personality that can be easily hidden beneath a calm, and cool exterior. The crab is Cancer's ruling animal and it suits them well, they can come out of their shell and fight but they can also hide in their shell of skitter away back into the depths of the ocean. They are very unpredictable. With cancer, there is always something more that meets the eye, for they are always partially hidden behind the shell. They are a have a deep psyche and intuitive mind that is hidden from the world. Cancer is deeply sensitive and easily hurt, this might be why they have their defense shell in place, to avoids being hurt by others. They are nurturers so they surround themselves with people, whom after a while can offend or hurt a cancer without even knowing they did so, therefore Cancer's protective shell keeps them safe from hurt. They are complex, fragile, unpredictable and temperamental and need constant support and encouragement, more then any other astrology signs, Cancer needs to be needed. When cancer gets the support it needs, it has a tremendous amount to offer in return. When cancer gets offended, they tend to sulk instead of confronting the persons face to face. This needlessly prolongs the pain and suffering. Cancer is very possessive, not just with material possessions but with people as well. Cancer will always want to stay in touch with old friends and anyone who has ever been close to them, because it is easier to maintain a friendship then attempt to learn to trust a new person. It is easier this way for them emotionally. If you befriend a Cancer, you will stay friends for a long time. Cancer makes the perfect mother, this is the sign that represents motherhood. They have unconditional love and caring more so then any other astrology sign. Cancer are very intuitive. Most of the psychics of the world are Cancer astrology signs. They have an excellent memory and are very observant and can read people very well. They can usually tell of other people's intentions are good or not. Never dupe a Cancer, they can see your motives. Cancer has a lot of emotional issues to deal with but once they overcome this large hump of shyness and insecurity, there is practically nothing they can't do. With their strong intuition, sensitivity, powers of observation and intelligence, they will have great success in anything they undertake.

damn...
almost of all this is true..
i feel like a giant microscope is focusing upon my daily life.

posing as me

2009-12-13T22:04:00.001+08:00

I look in the mirror
And I hate what I see
A wannabe model
Posing as me

My mirror is watching me
trapped in the screen
Got to open this window
Let the reality in

I look in the mirror
What I see must be me
A silicon sexpet
As seen on tv

My designer's body
fits my big brothers mind
Love me or hate me
Just watch my behind

props to DJ Umek

bloody bloodbath

2009-11-21T00:21:00.002+08:00

today was another stringently eventful day.
alas.
though i woke up early to write my last update,
i soon fell for the calling of sir sandman and took my 40 winks until it was 1330.

yes...
twas an excuse..
but i was not in the mood to face the day...
but through my inbox text messages,
ery from unisel contacted me.
he wanted to borrow my designs for his theater production...
since i have no more use for it,
i complied.
so i had to wait for him until evening to pick it up.
sigh.
have to actually face the world....
huh.

1st agenda.
shower.

2nd
breakfast-hot dog sandwich, nuggets.

3rd
re-edit/repair the dresses.

4th
online.

to make this less sufferable, i rang nabil up yesterday and made plans to go out later.
so. something to look forward to...
yeay

fast forward,
ery didnt reply my msgs and nabil was coming soon (it was already 730)
so fuck off
im going out.

went to sunway pyramid.
was a bit of a bloody mess it was.
parking lot was a gem hard to dig out.
was disillusion for parking space for nearly an hour.
crappy adventure it was.
but was enjoyed through and through for i had been able to hang out again with my old bloke/compadre/amigo nabil.

went lookin fer his tees we were.
for his dinner tmrow.
was lookin for autumn dresses,i meant tees.
thats the theme for his dinner.
that bloke got paired up with a beauty of a sheila, rumitha was er name.

hahaha! my slang is so badly scarred.
LOL
thanks to the influence of foreign movies...
before we head back, nabil wanted to try krispy kreme...
so we went and bought a dozen doughnuts.
OMG
fattening was the taste.
hah
as we head back, we reminisce...
the idea of a movie marathon was beginning to rust.
we had the idea since we first knew each other.
sucks.
so.
since he is soon to fly off.
why not?
i invited him to my house for the movie.
(was looking fer a place to eat anyways)
and we got to sit down and watched eden lake.
was a gruesome movie it was.
(p.s. ery did come to pick up the dresses. when i was about to leave the mall. had to ring up my sis to help to give the dresses)

it has the same effect on me when i watched 28 days later.
a movie about death and no hope.
i love english movies.. they have purity and essence.
not like hollywood.
we just dont really expect what to happen next.
was bloody brilliant.

here's the poster

and here are some of the scenes....

now im afraid to have children of my own...
gulp.

next to brett, she (paige (finn atkins)) was the worst of them lot.
would gladly run her over and reverse (12 times repeatedly) !!

a series of unfortunate disaster leading to my soon to be impeding moody behaviour

2009-11-20T03:55:00.000+08:00

after a week of deprived thirst to taste the world outside the window, finally the day of my 2nd date, my 2nd outing actually (don't know why it seems i only go 1 outing per week and it all falls on Thursdays.... IRONIC) arrived..

to my bleak expectations, i woke up at 9 ( after much twist and turning the night before due the the exuberant amount of influx in the term of new ideas...)though happy with the thought of finally managed to imagined what the queen might look like i slept for a maximum of 3 hours! (fuck)

yes.
due to my childish nature, i woke up early.
excited. though initially sleepy, to be reminded of the outing,
im up up and away!! (from the bed)

with the regular activities in mind,

(zerronemo's holiday schedule= wake up, shower, clean clothes, dry em, sweep floors, wash dishes, cook breakfast/lunch [which usually consists of home made quater-pounder burger] eat while watching tv, go upstairs and do research/online/game [currently rune factory 2/final fantasy 8] until my eyes go red)

i didnt do any except shower, online for awhile and wash dishes (only because my big brother was in a bad mood [sheesh])

fave artist of the moment,

aghast! to my horror, my favorite piece of shorts was missing!
fuck
the outfit that has been pre-planned to wear today was disrupted
gone were the 'the look' i was going for that day.

panic.
what to wear!
in frantic, unloaded all feasable looking tee... ( all that i find cute)

rage.
i kicked and screamed while still looking for my shorts (my brother was out)
it was not in the washing machine,
not in my mum's room
not in my brothers' room
not even in my sister's!
(could my little brother brought it with him to college? i wonder....)

confused.
i looked up down high and low.
still it couldnt be found..
i even looked outside! (which seems petty at the moment)

11am.
text message received

h="bru bgn! kne tolong mama hantar barang jap. lps ni trus siap!"

z="u dah blk gtau! tgu u siap i blh siap 3 kali!"

h="ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

z="btulla!"

to my dismay.

12am
text message received

h="bru blk! nak siap!"

replied,

z="................(didnt reply'

fuck.
havent found anything...

option 2.
shirt!
i have many cute shirts!
why didnt i thought of it sooner??
(maybe because the look i had in mind today was easy breezy covergirl...[WTF?LMAO])

shirt 1*= nooo!!
shirt 2*= maybe...
shirt 3*= omg why did i bought this in the first place???
shirt 4*= if im going into blue collar hell...
shirt 5*= hippy me...
shirt 6*= is this mine?
shirt 7*= i give up

(f.y.i, with every pair of shirt i changed from skinny jeans, to straight cut, to black shorts and finally earth brown shorts... not tiring at all)

with the computer blaring my current favorite songs LOUDLY

playlist=(not in order of favorite)

1. doesnt mean anything - alicia keys
2. video phone - beyonce feat lady gaga
3. 3 - britney spears... (ironic. 1,2,3 not only you and me, got 180* and im caught in between! hahahahah)
4. sexy bitch - david guetta feat akon
5. down - jay sean feat lil wayne
6. tik tok- ke$ha
7. bad romance- lady gaga
8. alejandro (dont call my name) - lady gaga
9. filthy pop - lady gaga
10. no way- lady gaga
11. dance int the dark - lady gaga
12. bad romance (music video) - lady gaga
13. this is it - micheal jackson
14. russian roulette - rihanna
15. fight for this love - cheryl cole
16. badboys - alexandra burke feat flo rida
17. nobody in english - wondergirls
18. situation cant go right - lady gaga feat asher roth

i was in disillusionment...

what to wear!!!
in a deranged pursuit,
i was running back and forth still looking for the pants...
i am sweating.

1pm
text message received

h= "bru kuar rumah!"

after much rampage and berserk'n moments,
i have to settle on something...

stupid P.A. navy blue shirt
ugly SEED earth brown short pants
brown crystal bracelet (Carrollite Dolomite Hematite Chalcopyrite)
old P.A sling
black springfield

FUGLY
(dont know why i wear a whole lot of padini today... sigh)

with my cardy and jacket in my sling, i was almost there...

aroma
shit
what to wear today!
list of available fragrance = ch 212, jpg, black xs, hugo, dior homme...

because of my stupidity,
i sprayed dior instead of 212.

fuck summore...

i was a disaster.

1:45 pm

h= "lg 5 minute"

fuck fuck fuck
off to tie my shoes...

after much complications,
im finally out!!!
through a long process of contemplation.
we decided on going to mid valley!

disaster.
no parking...
none in the gardens.
none in megamall.
after much rousing
arguements
deafing

tada!
found a spot!
quite near to the entrance i might add
:)
luck is finally turning

off to the ticket booth!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
WHY THE fuck DOES PEOPLE HAVE NO LIFE TODAY????!
the queue was horrendous!
typical.

a loooooooong agonizing wait pursue...
oh well..
at least i get to bore my mate with the ideas and concept of my designs next sem.
if only thou had ears to pay attention to my verbal abuse... sigh

when it was finally our turn,
two ticket booth was open for service!
yeay!
opting for the less attractive attendant, (thou eyes shall not gag in awe in front of me!)
we bought two tickets for astroboy!!!!
yeay!!!!

watched it on its premier!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............
eat!
tick was for 3:30
the time now, 3:05

will we be able to eat on time?
will we be able to actually decide on where to eat on time??

due to my shy yet private nature,
food court is a huge no-no. (too many choices!)
mcd was our replenishing spot for the day.
haha

z= "sempat ke makan?"

h= "sempat jerh..."

z= "kalo x dapat tgk preview i blame u"

h= "oooohhhhh!! sempat jerh"

z= "(rolling eyes) yela tuh..."

h= " ha! buat mate buat mate! LOL"

we didnt get to see the preview.....
loads of seats open
hahahah
not many are as enthusiastic to support my childhood hero today it seems..
oh well.
more private moments for me i guess.
LOL
yeay! no crowd!

enjoyed it
had two streak of good movie to watch!
(though for both week the initial agenda was to watch 2012....)
last week was my fav movie ever (for this season only really)

PHOBIA 2

loved loved loved it!!!!
my favorite was IN THE END
because my beloved band of actors from MIDDLEMAN (4BIA)
was back!
yeay to ter aey puak and shin
owh and Banjong Pisanthanakun for directing it.
:)

RECOMENDED!

after the movie,
golly gie!
let go to MPH!
the land of marvel and fantasy...

found THE BOOK
THE BOOK of fashion!
garment construction dan design..
omg omg omg
have to tell mom.

alas.
phone was not functioning....
had to postpone...
sorry new friend... will buy you later...
:'(

through much deliberation, finally bought my research sketch book!
can finally start on my research properly.. (ho ho ho)

next stop.. KAMDAR!
looked at some fabric...
was not awed...
got a few samples...
and finally was on our way back home
(not without ice cream.. hahahah)

before the engine start to rumble, i show h my designs..
hard to explain, but hopefully understood..
^u^

home bound!
if it wasnt because of my stupid look i would have enjoyed the day...
the events pursuit cant be elaborated do to sexual contents that didnt happen...

leaving me very frustrated and annoyed..
no mood.
ate mum's mac and cheese.
went to bed...
woke up accidently at 3:45 am.
wrote this blog update...
goodnight...

dont let your PHOBIA bite.
LOL

Omnem dimittite spem, o vos intrantes

2009-11-18T03:08:00.000+08:00

(rodin's masterpiece,The Gates of Hell/La Porte de l'Enfer)

THROUGH ME THE WAY INTO THE SUFFERING CITY,
THROUGH ME THE WAY TO THE ETERNAL PAIN,
THROUGH ME THE WAY THAT RUNS AMONG THE LOST.
JUSTICE URGED ON MY HIGH ARTIFICER;
MY MAKER WAS DIVINE AUTHORITY, THE HIGHEST WISDOM, AND THE PRIMAL LOVE.
BEFORE ME NOTHING BUT ETERNAL THINGS WERE MADE, AND I ENDURE ETERNALLY.
ABANDON EVERY HOPE, WHO ENTER HERE

cool eh?
the inscription above the gates of hell..
dante's inferno, 3rd canto

Hortus deliciarum (Latin for Garden of Delights)

rescue me....

2009-11-16T00:28:00.000+08:00

"a far cry it seems of this lonesome man to seek. i have seen the world and i hate it. why must we traverse in this dark entity without the lights of heavens? why do the serene callings of hell make me safe??? what is wrong with this awful place?
death is all around us, to be called upon seems to be a blessing, to be ripped apart thy soul from thy wretched earthly carcass is the virtue to be seek!
to die in pain, rather in vain..
thus pain eludes us from the ecstasy christen by death!
pain as the glory of living, ripped apart thy skin from limb to limb!
gorge out thy eyes to see no evil,
carve out thy mouth and lips to speak no evil,
dig out your ears to hear no evil!
i beseech you.
do unto other what you wish to be done upon you...
may the gates of hell receive thee with guns a blaze!
cleanse my demonic soul with your blood my savior!
free me off this journey wrapped in your thorns!
slit my throat or cut off my tongue...
make me feel pain!
make me suffer!
make me believe in the philosophy enchanted by thy riddles!
answer me this....
why the fuck should you succeed when all else fail?"

laments of my insecurities....

"Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner).
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future.
This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognising one's failings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.
Insecurity may cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, a principle enshrined in the phrase "all bullies are cowards." Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviors of adolescents."

In Norse mythology, a valkyrie (Old Norse valkyrja "chooser of the slain") is one of a host of female figures who decide who will die in battle. The valkyries bring their chosen to the afterlife hall of the slain, Valhalla, ruled over by the god Odin, where the deceased warriors become einherjar. There, when the einherjar are not preparing for the events of Ragnarök, the valkyries bear them mead. Valkyries also appear as lovers of heroes and other mortals, where they are sometimes described as the daughters of royalty, sometimes accompanied by ravens, and sometimes connected to swans.

woes of quite celebration

2009-09-26T17:49:00.000+08:00

raya went by.
it was not fun.
boring.
strangely enough,
the air around my house is not festive.
just blank...
went to kedah to my stepfather's hometown.
was there from saturday till wednesday.

hurm.
sad.
depressive.
diminishing.
humiliated.

light permits through heaven's clouds

2009-09-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

what prevails of emotions thought and creativity can never be channeled finely and remotely if it was to transverse from one unified divine form to the others.
to exemplified, the rage in mind, lust, passion, euphoric sensation, lost, melancholic, devastation... merely words of divine retribution with a lost cause if channeled wrongfully in some cases resulting in death and sinfully acts of blasphemy.

what to become of us?
we of no mere talent?
no passion i whatsoever that we've indulge in..
to forever regret the decisions i life made from moments of chaos and panic.

i, admittedly
subdue to this cohort.
i am a talentless figure.
no
more to a distraught mannequin to be made a foolery of.
a mockery of existence,
a sin in progress of living

yet, to make a mark is as if an ant,
a single ant of the colony able to bring back grain after a long restraint.

no
i have no real passion for fashion
whatever i do i try to do my best
lack of passion is my downfall.
to make up for it i have to be hardworking
sleep is inevitably lost in the process...
pimples grew over time..
but passion never seems to realize its potential in me..
i shall for eternity dwell i disbelief and chaos.
whats within me is it the same as everyone else?

physically true but emotionally mentally?
am i one of the many?
what people say is that what makes you unique is what makes of u.
your identity, your personality..
with trends and fads are we not drones???
who am i really?
talentless i am
yet retribution i seek....

to create beautiful things is what i love.
to destroy is another.
to see my creation as envy is euphoric.
but to see it completed is a blessing.
to be praised is empty.
but to be appreciated for the work completed is to be craved...

with that i leave for you pictures of my latest endeavour.
i wish not to be a victim any longer.
i wish to be free..
chains no more.
endless skies i pray for you.

Berikut adalah senarai 12 finalis Pertandingan Busana Muslim Marhaban Di Astro 2009 yang layak ke pertandingan akhir pada 6 Setember 2009 nanti.

RIZAL JAMALUDIN
MUHAMAD ZHARIN HARIZ
SYAHRUL NAIM IBRAHIM
ROZAINE SHARUDIN
NORHAFIS HASSAN
AKMAL ARIFFIN
HAIRUL AZUAN AHDAN
NIK ERWAN ROSELI
FATIN SYAZWANI AHMAD AMBRI
KHAIRULAZLAN ABD KARIM
RAZIMAN ROSLAN
MUHAMMAD SYAFIQ SAHAK

design name:RENAISSANCE DU CENDERAWASIH
model: SARAH RAHMAN

i won third place....
1st: khairul azlan kareem (UiTM shah alam's lecturer)
2nd: nik erwan ( an established fashion designer)
3rd: me
4th: rozainie ( my friend and fellow course mate)

the design sent...

procrastinating

2009-07-29T01:27:00.000+08:00

blinded i am by the shallow doubts of man!
oh how the constraint of decency and morality have tide me,
bind me to this wretched world of lost lusts,
deprived sexuality and missing mentality...

(end of drama)

(start of blab in..)

3

2

1

yes.
another blinded week of torture..
thanks to the sudden scare of the recent influenza A(h1n1) I've been sent back home to recuperate... (seems like I'm down and out... with ILI (influenza like illness mind you)
after the trip to the hospital,
i slept for 3 days.
waking up for food and toilet.
enough about that
boring old same old

due to the holiday,
I'm stuck with assignments ('hooray')

finishing up my research, looking for samples (snipped some fabric from KAMDAR myself... hahahaha so speaks the devil in me..)
and 5o designs...

how the hell am i to make total cover up ( no plunging neckline and so on..) sexy???
dang

thanks to the morality rules I'm toast...

creativity stump;
productivity; 0 (zero)

ive been lazy

2009-07-14T15:38:00.000+08:00

forwardly I've been subliminally lazy to the point of business.
hahahah
what with the start of the new semester and all... (im in my final year! ^-^)
this semester to start it off...
I've got design.
Malay traditional.
omg.
how awkward for me!
me and Malay don't really match.
i look the part but i don't play it... (sadly)
i don't even know the names of Malay cooking!
don't get me started with vegetable.

so with a great big sigh and huge omg3 later...
the RESEARCH BEGAN!!!
through several hours of lonely days ahead...
again
and again
and again
i finally agreed upon to myself to just settle for 'burung cendrawasih' (bird of paradise)

dang it.. i want to make it Gothic theme for heaven's sake!!!
might i commit blasphemy in the fashion syllabus if i do so???
whatever fuck them....
I'm gonna challenge them by making my dress as vulgar as possible! (devil's laugh ensues)

i aint happy but I'm glad.

illust
ms prinses, queen hails from sabah.
shes good to work with.
friendly. but shouted at me (in a friendly manner) bout typical boys and their infatuation with the female figure (nude drawings)
i cant help myself.. :)

etr
short for entepenuership
we have to propose a company together.
in a group of 6.
damn
general manager: me (!)
finance manager: nina
operation manager: deedee
marketing manager: yuyu
production manager: nono
designer: fizi

amazingly were progressing very well...
may even start it for real :)

induction!
hahahaha
its finally our turn to bully!
i mean to re-educate the juniors.
as it all falls down, i became the leader for the havoc to ensue.
muahahahaha
3 days of mayhem
let the humiliation begin....

new found love

2009-06-19T14:11:00.000+08:00

freakin cool....

questions ending with fruitless results...

2009-06-18T02:03:00.000+08:00

um...
well..
it seems life is coming to its end.
my ex is dying.
my imagination seems to fade,
and my sights are getting more and more blurry..
is this the end?
does my creative display of creations coming to a full stop..
i feel weak..
im finally alone...
no more sound echoes in my ears...
the sense of touch are course no matter how soft the matter is..
im withering away...
the darkness is calling me..
i must adhere to its call..
good bye..
dear friends..

limp up the volume for the anonymously idiotic!

2009-06-15T17:54:00.000+08:00

dear baby!!
fuck off been so lazy to go online!!!!
urgggghhh...
been damn lazy to even open my fb, ms, tagged, fs and so on...
shit..
don't want to be addicted to the Internet but yet..
it calls for me when it comes to downloading new songs...
like always,
been shopping to get the days over...
starting with the Malacca trip.. (nabs, izzah..finally right?)

i wanted to cancel at first coz i had to meet up with a client to discuss her design...
ive forgotten the fact that the trip was for going the next Saturday ( the same day as the meet)
managed to cancel and push it over the next week.
(cant really been in full detail cause a full week has passed OK...)

woke up at 8 ( first time in a Monet)
nabel arrived late! around 1030..
LO and be HOLD izzh was in the back.
(izzh is nabels friend whom study at the same institution as me which is UiTM Seri Iskandar studying landscape design to whom has informed nabel that she seen me but says that i pout and seem stuck up where as nabel approved of this fact. now I'm on a mission to show my true color.)

at first it was damn awkward!
but the ice begins to melt when the topic of baby and hubby came to rise...
***** is or was referred to as baby by his beau so we teased him like hell!!

oh baby baby...
how was i suppose to know...

baby its fact!!

we stopped for bfast at kfc..
which izzah just bought rice porridge therefore left me dumbfounded on how one can eat porridge for breakfast ( seriously! do people do this?)
me and nabel ate this small portioned burger but at least it fulfilled the request of my annoyingly LOUD stomach grumble.
(beforehand, we've began shopping at the petronas(i think) station's shop.)

off to MALACCA!!!

yes. off to Malacca indeed...
taking about another 3 hours to be exact!

the trip was WAY TOO long...
the Freakin GPS kept on going ALTERNATIVE ROUTING
grats...
at least it was a female voice...
nabel grouch on why the voice was not made to be more interesting..
(duh... if it went erotica accidents would be caused by aroused drivers... interesting though... erotica GPS.. should post this idea..)

when we finally touch down on the soil of MALACCA (HAAAAAAAAAAAA... (cue heavenly hymns) toilet stop was a must...

last one out of the car is a monkey!!
last one to enter the was is a monkey!!!
(i was never the monkey..)

to start the trip officially,
we went to nabels KBU fren's sister's wedding.
PINK!!
OMG THERE WAS PINK EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

scary...

(nice ass)

hahaha
was quite fun though..
when we arrived...
all eyes was on us..
(i felt stupid coz i was wearing shorts for the wedding... at least we managed to first change our clothes... me still wearing shorts but changed to a blue collared tee. nabel put a collared shirt over his tee and buttoned. izzah put on a whit kebaya. she looked heavenly but was spoiled by the fact that she wore here male dark brown romp jeans... (almost wanita melayu terakhir sangat..)

eat3....
we saw some johorean imported dancers..
quite funny to see grown ups dance poco-poco.
HAHA

continue on!!
off to JONKER!!
but..
thx to nabel's GPS..
we got lost.
AGAIN

cutting to the arriving part..
we went round and round to find the parking and finally!!!!
we found it.. rm2 per entry ++ 60 cent per subsequent hour.
oklah...

on the way we had to stop for shooting.. the parking was a heaven sent.
we had to pass by this huge mountain which turns out to be the A'famosa!!!
photoshoot galore...

hehe
the shopping trip began with us going to dataran pahlawan!
(i personally suggested to go there first since i hate the sun...)
air-cond!!!!
bought a grey tee at F.O.S(which i later regret cause hisham's little brother has the SAME shirt.. fuck)
one shorts from padini!
heheheh
managed to get izzh to agree to be my model for next sem by bribing her through buying her a pair of heels.... we paid equal amount but to me... i WON)

OFF TO JONKER!!! (Dan Gianni told me it was better to shop at night.. he used to live here he informed me sarcasticly...)

hey it was F.U.N.
the place was packed as HELL!!!
i hate crowds....
but..
managed to score 3 shirts!!!
bought 2 for myself and 1 for hisham
oohhh.. and gifts for the family
nunchaku and scooter shaped key chain for the little brother
frog shaped musical instrument (wooden and it croaks when you stroke its back) for big brother
cat shaped wooden pegs for the brother's gf
frog shaped wooden pegs for the sis
and a metal mobile where the spinning part is a girl and a boy and the static part is a tower with a heart-shaped top.
and colorful dark blue light blue and white balls filled with lights for me!

the trip was freakin tiring!
finished on 250.
im getting good at saving..
hehe

sent izzh home later where she trusted me with the directions to get out of her kampung

after the bridge turn right or was it left.... (=_=)

got home at 3! boy was i tired...
but before letting nabel aka baby off i must3 show him my under construction room!
hohohohoho
since he talked so much about it.. better show it to him first hand...

tuesdsay,
accompanied nabel to mid valley..
(he called me at 10am to tell 'ask' me out to meet his fren kai.. sigh)
got myself together at 1015 and waited for him at 11!
damn...
his dad pick me up.
nice fellow.
cared a lot about his young..
hehe
when we arrived we were like looking all over for *a*s that might look like the fren of kai.
hahaha
was quite funny coz it turns out of then that passed by us was him.
had breakfast at starbucks and later went for a movie.
(going quite fast and briefly because this trip is quite boring..)
watched star trek. for the second time.
(really wanted to watch monsters vs alien IN 3D! couldnt watch it last week with nina since her frens came late.. we waited in what i might describe as a train of people but that is still an under statment. the line was LOOONNNNG. when it was FINALLY our turn her friend called to cancel watching a movie..ouch..)
after the movie we met kai's fren's ex.
he's quite snobbish..
hate people who thinks they're better than everyone else..
were born the same okay!
you're just attractive because u have VERY pale skin.
other than that, your face is not EVEN MIXED!
MUKE KO MACAM MELAYU KAMPUNG CELAH PARIT KERJE SEBAGAI PENCEGAH JENAYAH DI KALANGAN LIPAS SAHAJA!!!!

haha.
after sending them off...
shopping!!!!
nabel bought a black skinny at romp.
he looked okay... forced him to ask the cashier to cut it shorter...
hohoho
topman was boring
zara got nothing new...
in the end i went shopping at watson.
hahahahaha
bought a moisturiser for the little brother and skin care items for me..
(i got a huge zit size of mount kinabalu on my left cheek.. grrr)
went back by train!
woah.
im a native when it came to train travelling... SADLY

to hisham,
you got yourself a mountain with your name.
congratulations!

haven 50% completed!

2009-06-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

hah!
it took me 6 hours and 35 minutes to finally complete it!! (i counted)
its finally done!!
(pics of only 1 wall... the other 3 does not matter much since its all black and some portion of blue including the ceiling..)

the egg cartons are reminisce of what my little brother left off from his futile attempt to cover the whole room with it to cushioned the soundwaves of his continual thumping of his drum set (MY room was altered to HIS moderation onto becoming his music room post UiTM calling for me)

i left the three remaining as atribute to his failure and dismay.

hehehe

now only the other 50%

the furnishing bit...

heheheheeh...

hello cool new bed, drawer, table + +...

he he he..

welcome to my soon to be completed studio/room new furniture

new paint job.

2009-06-02T13:29:00.000+08:00

yesterday,
though out of no new things to do...
i went to ye olde pharmacy where i used to work..
(yes, i was exuberantly bored)
and to no surprise, i was STILL BORED.

haih..
as if nothing would turn a sour day grey,
me mum called later on to inform me that were finally going to go buy the paint i need for my room (gasp!)
hahahah!!! so after 3 weeks of waiting i finally get a new coat of paint for my horrendous room!!!
(woohoo)

guess what the color is...
well its not really a color.
its not classed as one actually.
black.

as if im not depress enough.
now im inducing my own depression.
hahahahah

and yeah..
so i actually started to paint at 11 pm and stopped for sleep at 6am.
whats once was blue was now 3/4 black.
best part even the ceiling is black!
muahahaha
my room/studio is almost complete!!

now to get white furnitures...

hello ikea, goodbye money..

2009-05-27T12:28:00.000+08:00

to start a new a walk of exposure.
time to rest is a woeful period.
a time to relax, a time to enjoy.
though a time to gain experience,
perplex as it seems,
a time for shopping spree..

:p

as weird as it sounds i became obsessed with shopping this holiday!
thx to a fellow fren,
Ive been indulging myself with life's little luxury it has prepared.
hahahahahah!
managed to finish 400 on first visit..
200 on second visit..
and another 200 on the third.

oh mein gott...
i have to stop this...
Ive become what Ive dread the most!!
a SHOP-A-HOLIC..
dang.

oh well...
I'm still not satisfied!!!!
more shopping trips please!!!!

(heheheh will be going to sunway after this.. designer items anyone?)

oh~ if your looking for cheap aunthentic perfumes, do visit perfumereriesshop.blogspot.com

sorrowful vise

2009-05-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

is it possible that though how many times we deny it...
we lie in of our own demise..
never far long have the road taken us and yet...
we anticipate..
death hallow through the deep set minds..
we are all alike..
in the end were all sinners arent we?
from the holiest of man to the dirtiest of thieves,
were all sinners.
as were taught, sinners die a painful death.
and yet, merciless as it seems....
we die.

it never did daunts me before but euphoria,
a sense of prolong happiness...
can occur on this planet...
when were with the friends we love,
the people we cherish and adore,
bad times are whisked away to be replaced by happy memories...
forever to be depicted as a sense of new beginnings.
sadness prompts creativity but kills any other emotional beings..
maybe it seems weird but....
maybe spending a few hours with new found friends might be good for the soul....

death opens up to a new window.
with friends to poke fun with it..
why not?
the unorthodox tombs...

LOL

me,farah&wawan

me,farah&hatta

a gift from a good friend.

2009-05-13T12:02:00.001+08:00

a nice surprise for a boring day.
at least its brighten up due to an unexpected surprise..
hahahah..
thx mr shah!
LOL
poisin..
really do appreciate it!
:D

p.s. sorry for the blurred images... my phone is out of order... these were caught by my brother's phone.. (sigh no more camwhore moments)

to Chronos for Eros

2009-05-11T04:33:00.000+08:00

to write,
my mental state is to be weary..
blank as it seems words resonance through clean and clear.
to be precise,

the end has already began.
the two year era ended with a sullen good bye and a hallowed will of unfortunates.
though began a new,
the end of my ways,
my only virtue,
to the brimming birth of the beginning,
the divided truth,
the matriarch or matrimony,
the answer to the man at sea

love by any chance, was breathe upon me,
lingering from the tip of my hair,
running over my warmth....
warmth the skin on my sullen face...
warmth the limbs of mu adjusted hands....
warmth the soul of my forbidden body...
the end..
oh the end...

through my deliberately created void of emptiness to fulfill the unforsaken lust of the demon ripping it's claws upon me from the innards out.

warmth flows from the inside to the outer shell to cast shadows of limber thorns deliberately cutting the missing skin,
plunging its eyes into mu sore muscles,
cutting through the flesh unto my heart to nonetheless devoid attention over the masked evils once called home.
unravel thy thee to reveal thy demon bespoken to as prejudice.
reference of the devil mind, benevolence thy give birth..
melancholic lulls of future testimony............

eager for the future yet lust for the past.
forgotten present...

Eros you are too cruel to fall for Chronos.....
eating the worms inside you he will....
indulge in the undyings...
remember the truth.
immortality means not when you are alone.
yet means hell when u have are in chains................

blasphemy i befriend you.
may chaos erode and the partisans to continues...
may adversaries lie to face the earth
and devout to the hymns of death..
march on dear lowly souls...
thy poltergeist shan't fear thy truth..

LUST derives me.
love enrages me.
lies envelopes me.

visit me!!!!!

2009-05-04T06:43:00.000+08:00

my designs...
a few of them that is..
>under my photos.
>designs (duh)

myspace.com/znhz

inaudible

2009-05-04T06:12:00.000+08:00

a;how are you today?

z;fine thank you... and you?

a;fine actually.
have you heard the news?

z;news? care to elaborate??

a;well...
99% of the student body finds you
-annoying
-ugly
-boring
-backstabber
-retard
-shitless
-coward
-idiot

z;owh??
that's so sweet of them.

huh.
deranged as i am i am still satisfied.
scandal-r-us call me thy name.
happy as i may,
thy heart still full of dismay.
nay.
i shan't.
i cant.

shitheads.
I'm bored....
the end of semester.
quite fun actually.

do look up my works aka designs.

quite ghastly i find it..

owh!
had outing with family...
1st in a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long time.
mum quite fance the event.
giddily she brought out her camera.
X)

the dinner

anonymously infamous

2009-04-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

thru the bad mouth of others, my name is tarnished from the expensive socialite to cheap whore.

how sad.
berated any longer and i shall only prolong the sin.
so shall i change the topic?
unfortunately i must....

moderately unjust

2009-03-29T12:38:00.000+08:00

well it seems due to my lack of concentration, i posted my last blog based on the eagerness to update... not to further refine my broken English..
huh.
well due to this fault, i am sorry.
to make amends, lets reverberate!
LOL
have you ever wondered why people who seem stuck up turns out to be very friendly but those who are outwardly and NICE seems to be at a fault for having different agendas?
sadly...
friends are for life.
unfortunately untrue.
my default, i never had any true friends that sticks for long.
well...

due to the fact that i am easily used, i always befriended those with different agendas.
hahahahaha

the friends you meet in college are you friends for life.
hope so.
well...
a few please!!!
hahahaha not all are in favour.
most will likely stick but some surely would love to forget me.
predefine self professed annoyance.
sucks.
with all the assignments,
my creativity is unfortunately stumbled.
why you may ask?
hurm...
lack of exposure to the outside world i guess....
been like this for a while...
most likely die alone and lonely.
wtf?
damn rambles.

well whats so bad about that e?
in the end we'll be alone anyway.
might as well be.

70% completed

the prototype design

2009-03-28T19:07:00.001+08:00

hahaah!!!
it seems i have neglected you so my precious blog.
hehe
sorry...
been to werked up in assignments!
quite fun to do.
updates...
completed my prototype dress...
completing my beading final
machine embroidery
and whtver not..
having a blast.
huh!

eventually...

2009-02-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

for my beadwork final

nuttin much happened this week...
finished coloring 50 designs front and back and has selected 20 for the folio..
have finished my machine embroidery homework, pattern and beadwork...
owh, and have selected my final design..
now to make it happen... :)

my final design...

the adventure called overturn

2009-02-14T03:48:00.000+08:00

acts of random kindness.
A.R.K.

nice e?
but it doesn't seem to apply to us homo-sapiens anymore.
sadness has eluded this fact by the preach of indecent illusions.
defected.
us.
all humanity.
through and through,
the roads we traversed are paved with thorns,
yet the choices we made have confined us to the devastation.
malicious reality.
lustrous vengeance.
hate.love.
each are connected from different angles.
how ironic must life be?
helm must we hold of this unified diversity to avoid the plagues of mankind.
we fall too quickly don't we?
falter to the shelter of persona.
hiding behind the masks or revealing mannequins,
with expressions carved upon each facial point which really gives us any impression of living.
i discard you oh bittersweet love.
if were to part, then admittedly i kneel to the truth.
i am not perfect.
i am no angel nor am i a god.
mercy upon me.

love for the fact that i am human.
care for me not.
shall it bother the distress propaganda drawn upon your face?

i reside in my illusions.
the hostility is of much offence.
i took refuge in my own world.
this eden upon earth man has long seek.
thou shall not fear for any punishment.
to love is my sin.

my burden alone.
don't be anguish by my residence in your life.
the incandescent light upon my soul remains luminous.

don't look for me.
my ego eludes me from the words I AM SORRY.

in my mind, I'll forever be correct.
euphoria no more my dear.
sweets are vengeance made of lust and hate..

divulge in me no more.

happy valentines..

damn

2009-02-12T18:24:00.000+08:00

damn.
seriously damn.
throughout my hassle to relieve myself from the pressure of reality,
i let down a fren.
shit
worst still,
its his birthday.
me and any form of on going relationships are just coarse with edges...
shits.

night of mishap and misdeameanour

2009-02-02T09:36:00.000+08:00

congratulations on the fact that my best friend has finally gone clubbing!
muahahahah!
funny thing is i finally met him after a few months of knowing him through the net, after our second meeting we went clubbing.
fast aint it?

the first meet we went shopping.
second, clubbing.
hahahahaha!

best part we didnt sleep the whole 18 hours.
lol!

since class starts at 10, i have 15 minutes to upload some pictures;

dear mr blog

2009-01-29T04:27:00.000+08:00

dearest online diary for the viewing of the public..

how are you? oh how I've long to write on your space filled with my weary-blabs-of-meaningless-no-intelligence-to-be-envisage-of-a-blog.
how i have to type in a long essay of craps that happened to me throughout my whole 24-hours on this spherical planet of ours called earth..
as a humble homo-sapien, i beseech you.
as low as i lay i began to realize how sad my life currently is.
my memoirs written here are mere ramblings of a young uneducated mind trying to find acceptance in this cruel world.

my fair online diary,
have you ever felt this?
this weird feeling of uselessness in a whirlpool filled by lust and greed thus foiled my gluttony of man ever searching for a small security sense of belonging.
of cause you never felt it right?
everyday humanity pop into your scene to see the minuscule difference you have made in the lives of many.
oh how i envy your usefulness...
how i wish i was...

i wish i was....
what do i wish to contribute?
have i any talent that will benefit mankind?
does it really makes a difference if i still breathe the next day?
agendas of a fool wish to be devoid of emotions.
to be pat on the back for every inadequate move made.
to be envied and lust over.
to take center stage.

OH how i yearn for a life worth living.

i seem to no longer have my ability to write in a sense of emotional obsession over hate,rage,lust on the topic lust.
does that mean i am successful?
am i finally devoid of meaningless emotions?
tell me Mr online diary...
is it finally here?
am i finally no longer human?

if it is true then what am i?
...............
...............
...............

should i take a life...
will it bring my humanity back?
should i torture a soul with ill attempts of pain should my innocence bespoken?
step-by-step..
should i torture another being by inducing pain upon their entire being,
straining the life out of them until the silent hush can be heard?
will ever then death be dancing upon me?
should i torture a man by taking his eyeballs out, drilling holes upon them, taking out their nails one-by-one, slicing their innards while they're still alive, burning them from the inside out be pleasurable?

i wonder...
should ever be as lovely as i imagine?
blood..
tainted blood all over the room.
filling the tubs of pleasure within me...

i seem to have found my calling.
no wonder murderer's love doing this..
the excruciating joy of inducing pain...

to start with..
i shall hook the victims by the leg to hang them...
waiting till their conscious minds awake..
if they scream, off goes their tongues.
the explosion of red divine would be heavenly welcomed upon my face...
as the shock off losing a muscle finally came to,
panic strikes their weary soul.

the fun finally begun.
shall i drill holes on to their knees.
OH what fun to see their ligaments tore off!
bit by bit until the initial fun of drilling ends,
i shall move on to slicing.
yum.
a little cut here, a big wound up there and a huge hole by the stomach!
don't die yet!
the euphoria just began!
adrenaline has yet to be enjoy to the fullest..
endorphins are just about to set.
waky waky...

hahahahahahah!!!!
a dab of petrol here.. a little over there...
a little light.. a tada!!!
a bonfire of humane flesh beseech you!

should it end there?

then take a step back and lets redo the face.
:)

step 1)drill the left eye.
2)drill the right cheek
3)slice the cheeks! ( as the great joker's words, why so serious?)
4)pull a wire upon the torn flesh of their cheeks up to their ears.
5)burn off the tip of their nose (how i love the scent of burnt flesh)
6)gouge the right eyeball with finger.
7)pour salt and lemon juice all over the wounds
(keep in mind the patients are still alive during the whole ordeal.:) )

would eating their flesh means absorbing a bit of their holistic DNA?
will it mean that they shall remain a part of us forever?
i wonder...

:) ...

thank you oh my dear friend online diary aka "blog"

how you've brought color upon my bland and lethargic soul.
:)

chosen

2009-01-09T19:14:00.000+08:00

in the end lo and be hold!!!
i chose the great wave off kanagawa!
lol!!!

she ( the lecturer) loves both idea and i chose the painting sincw in my class im the first one to actually want to recreate a painting embodiment into a dress!
(hahahahahahaha)

today's update;
had a screeeaaaaming headache in the morning due to last night's late night randeverous. (did my assignments... trying to finish the researc book for design class which in difrent class the lect gave 3 weeks to finis but in mine only 1 (sigh) therefore i made an early jumpstart and started it off early since i got the info already.. :) ) which in turn caused me to wake up at 11.
hohohhohoho
(good thing there is no class today...)

after much turning finally my roomate burst in after class and begged me to take a shower to accompany him to lunch. (sigh.... 1st time i was able to sleep in in weeks..)

lunch.. was free. yet the situation was not.
sucks!!! i hate chicken curry!

hahahahahahah!

upon returning, it was 1230.
tired as heck (not knowing why)
i slumped on my bed and look across, signalling the evil deeds to my roomate..
(lets.not.go.to.friday.prayer.lets.sleep.in)
he got the message and killed off the fan.
lol!
im the devil.
i influence the bad side of humanity.. :)

woke up at 230~
oh joy!

i havent slept that badly.
heheheheh

in my genuine gesture to finished off my off day from classes, i have planned to finish my pattern homework (7 dart manipulation including adding the seam allowence and redoning the painfully annoying slashed dart.... i had fun!)
pattern class is blast!!! (for now..)

and indeed finished it i did. :)

since i got a lot of time on my hand, i started to do my researh book again.
cut and paste over and over and over and over..

finally landing on a muse.
miss GWEN STEFANI!

(mostly because i have an IN STYLE magazine's article on her.. hohohohoho)

thefore i have chosen to recreate the romantics of gwen's exuberent style and glamour!

p.s, redecorated my room...
i got 3 tables now for my work.. :)

(a lot of smileys have been put up.. must be a happy day for me.)

i changed my mind....

2009-01-04T02:33:00.000+08:00

i had a wonderful time today.
i went to the movies with my old flame.
i enjoyed it.
:D

got home, did some more research!
(i love researching...)
i looked up online to help my friend for his design pictures (porcupine,hedgehogs and ocelot)
and i realized...
its not fair!!!

i want extra too!!!!
i need options...
therefore...

internet!!!!!

i took hokusai'1 painting..

stag beetle..

and dahlias!!!!!

got more got more got more...
YEEEEEAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!

new year....

2009-01-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

yes..
the inevitable has happened.
its new year.. (technically it has been new year for 3 days...)
new year=new challenges, new adversaries, new adversary.

meaning...
new semester=pain+misery

yet again i began my search for a new muse.
in inspiration, in idol, in life.

for design, given only two options; i) livings in the forest/jungle (nature)
ii) painting from famous painters through the era

with a hint from the lecturer(i will define this class as inadequate if everyone chose the first option... sigh) i chose paintings..(which i finally made up my mind this morning..)

so.... the painting...
i chose. MADONNA by Edvard Munch.

yes. i love her.

the image long thought just to be a question mark later to be answer by the lithography version which included several addition.

the serene image a young damsel no younger than 25..
in full blossom, in her prime.
her face full of light, contempt, and the gush of emancipation can immediately be felt upon further gaze upon her lovely face..
the red halo, in my p.o.v. signifies the young angel not at her prime, still full of youth, not yet matured but still... at her best.
the dark shadows in her background symbolizes the depress reality of the world, yet unable to engulf this beauty for her presence is enlightening by the visibility of a source of light upon the face and body from the angle of left up..
she is eternal..

the lithography version includes a frame, embellished by the image of several beings what look like tadpoles or more accurately sperms. the sperms as it seems originated from a fetus. an incomplete form of a human being with a sad writhing frown upon his face. for those who reads of the history behind the artist, Edvard Munch, you'll know of his sufferings...

born without the presence of a mother, the death of her sister and eventually his entire family, death seems to be his only purpose for living..
depressed as he is he strives to disambiguate himself from the era of impressionist and divulge himself into the limitless wonder of the expressionist, where emotions and scarred memories does make its contribution.

therefore, it is only explainable that the fetus is he himself, Edvard Munch, and the Madonna as Mary or in his preference, his mother..
feeling distant, he cant really relate himself to his mother. he longs for that connection but can never achieve it for the bond can't begin if it never exist.

now, the fun part..
interpreting it into a casual dress...

.sigh.

a VEEEEERY eventful day. (take note,this is sarcasm)

2008-12-27T01:37:00.000+08:00

it starts off as a beautiful morning.
for the first since the start of my semester break (middle of November i think.. i memory is against me..thank you brain) i woke up early naturally! (9 a.m. is considered early.)
as i toss and turn on my sofa (my room is pillaged by my anger-driver-heavy-metal-drummer-of-a-brother) i realized that i can no longer sleep. (dang)

turned on the telly (went channel surfing over-and-over again thanks to astro's refusal to have ENTERTAINING SHOWS in the morning, *hint2*)

and finally at 10, my alarms start going off!! (to my annoying ringing tone of heart breaker by will.i.am and the alarm of the other phone that i also turned on in case i slept like a log (in which case i didn't this time :D) to my immediate reaction, my fingers quickly jammed the buttons 1 2 2 for astro kirana channel.

hahahahah!!! keroro 2 was on!!!
kero kero kero!

(as i was enjoying the show)
suddenly, out of nowhere.....
BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!
thunderclaps raged down the staircase!!!
pop comes out my sister's head from the corner...
"have you arranged the payment of your ipt bill?" she sed. ( a tone full of subdued rage..) (due to my forgetful nature i always forgot to do important things early)
"no." i coolly replied. " i was planning to do so today or tomorrow." (i answer with confidence though my real emotions can clearly be seen on my face. GUILT.MORON.IDIOT clearly engraved on my fore head.

as if the eruption of mount Vesuvius is not enough, the rupture of explosions from my sister's mouth could have made behemoths cry...

"do you realize what day is tomorrow????!!!! your going back to campus before Monday.. when exactly ARE YOU GOING TO PAY???!!!!"

i casually replied, "oh.my.god"

(the feud ended with her storming up again)

continue to watch keroro!!!
kero kero kero!!!

then without warning...

go prepare yourself!!!!
and POOF!!!
the house went blackout..
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
keroro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hurried rushed to the fuse box to flip the switch open!

good news;electric was back on
bad news 1;had to wait for astro to reset
bad news 2;the channel was set to HBO
bad news 3;astro remote went ballistic and can't change channels.

(a great way to start the day..)

with my heart full of disdain for the future..
we went to the bank.
(after some boring events later ( i wont snore you to death since i was clinically pronounced dead for 2 hour of boredom waiting for my siblings to finish their transferring of money to UK) we went home, went to Friday prayers with me dad and brother and reached home later, to another unwelcome shock.

we have to go to my mums colleague's Christmas dinner! (technically lunch since it was 230pm..) (sigh)

again.. after a loooooooooooooooooooooooong sigh,
i draped myself in my diamond patterned shirt with my new cargo pant(wink2) and finished it off with my new converse sneakers (wink2) (heheheheeheheh at least i got to wore them to something before i return to college)

hah!
(beforehand i started reading this book called jpod recommended by my brother. serious fun!)

therefore, with the jpod in hand, i read the book throughout the journey.
heheheheh love the book.

(after the Christmas dinner@lunch)

we went to subang parade according to my suggestion to pester my little brother who started his new job as cashier earlier on this week. my plan worked.
hehe

as i gallantly walked into the entranced,
(smug with the win)
mum went shopping for her garlic bread in cold storage ( which she swore was good as hell)
and i, laced with boredom again, decides to annoy my big sister! (yes, we've made up) which was fun the whole day until we suddenly agree to find my little brother! (the mission begins) as stealth as a viper through the wild ferns, i have located him!!!
(nestled behind the cash register)
as i called for back up ( mom and dad)
i surveyed the land for anonymous disturbance. to my luck, non was there...
we lined up near the cash register as we lie in wait for him to notice (at the same time mocking him among ourselves on how nerdy he looked)
after a minute or so, he turned his head and saw me.
no reaction....
after a second has gone by he turned again with eyes wide open!!!!
success!!!! he WAS ambushed.
hahahahaahahahahah!!!!
as the merriment ends we headed home with hearts full of joy!
ho ho ho! (the spirit of Christmas lingers since i could not get the jiggle out of my head..crap)

on the trip back home, i was ambushed.

"how are you going back to campus" mum asked in blank regards of my state.
"not sure yet.. I'll buy the ticket tomorrow."
(my plan was for her to send me at the last moment)
then you follow me to work tomorrow. go buy the ticket then.

(shit)

"huh??"

"you have to wake up early tomorrow so you can follow me to work. 630 am."

(shit)

thank you. now my mood is gone...

(shit)

YES. I'm currently bitter AND angry plus a bit of wrath swirling.
I'm studying in perak for Pete's sake!!!!

dang.

19.

already forced into adulthood.
bye bye young adult..
hello reality.

independence sucks.

freckles

2008-12-24T20:43:00.000+08:00

Freckles.

The scars upon my face...

The truth that has filled the void and space upon my cheeks, chin and forehead...

Acne scars.

Some stay,

Some lingers,

Most are gone with the permission of time.

I lived. Though as vivid as the the translucent incandescent of time,

I have lived.

The scars that remain are forever a reminder.

To remember.

To mark, the growth as spatial as the pace it took for me to learn.

The masks have been finally removed from my earthen spoiled face. The color hidden within the youth that has been brought up to shelter me, to protect me from the cruel uninviting evil which in reality is, itself, Reality. Though to some, this ugly dots and scratches upon the face are vile and should remain hidden from the eyes and prospects of humanity, to me, it is precious. As precious as the love of my family, of friends, and of colleagues precariously perched and etch in the memory of heavens above.

The freckles are proven of my living. Throughout my yearning for independence, to learn my place to believe in the reality I have failed. But from ashes of failure I raised. Smeared is my face. Forever tarnish by the scars of youth. But forever to be masked to live in innocence, in youth, in denial.. Never is a life worth living.

For the scars, I am proud. To mark the adulthood I shall fulfill, I am obliged to receive. Love is a sinner. Though euphoria seems forever to never end in the sentence ended in love, heartache looms to snatch the narcissism beauty of the love soiree. Twice or even quadrupled the amount of trust breached remained hidden. Blinded by love, never the lust of others managed to be discarded. Yet the yearned to be loyal etch a scar upon my heart and upon my face bit by bit. Forever this mannequin remains silent unless the strings of love are willed into discord. The tension to set foot into reality bites hard into my brittle bones.

As the worst of times moves in a circle set in motion as the wheels of time forsakes, this mannequin can no longer remain silent. With unnerving wills mustered by the strength of utter disbelieve and over proportioned hate, I bid love adieu. Au revoir. No more shall tears fall for the sake of uneventful love. Though the time spent was filled with memories that shed liquid motion down my cheeks, the scar remained are forever savored to be kept as a reminder.

Thus the fear to fall for love etches me on my cheeks. Let it remain. It is the facts. It is my evidence of the fearful taste of love. Let it stay. Yes. I want it to stay. Let it remain as my alarm. To shook me back into reality every time the mirror speaks. I love my freckles. It is my proven right. To show my indecent past of horrors filled with the demonic devils in my tortured soulful journey towards growth in this devilish psychotic chaos world of reality.

Shallow shall it seems, denial no more shall I be in. to trust in myself. Used no more shall I be. To love thy self. The precious gift god has bestows upon me. Fool me for my scars, I care not. I am proud of it. It is my prove. My reality. My future.

how i learn to speak german

2008-12-23T20:36:00.000+08:00

through exploited use of myspace, i met a friend who profoundly has a huge unrealistic enthusiast for speaking German. as bored as i tend to be at an hour so awkward to be blogging (creating my very first blog(!) aside from my current myspace blabs) i read through the instructions on HIS blog on how to pronounce sublimely hard (or it seems so which irritates me to hear that he spoke too fluently that i usually forgot how to pronounce it 3 seconds later) oh, beforehand, he called me to ask what had i bought ( went shopping with my sister earlier on. actually i was merely escorting her as she met her friend to pass along a pendrive. unfortunately means i have to wake up at 6.30 am to get myself ready so i can tag along with our mother to her office so later we can stroll down from the syabas building to the LRT station. from kerinching to klcc. from there as i awkwardly perceived, is boring. so we travelled to mid valley so i can fulfill my lust for earthly goods (bags,shoes,shirts etc) when i finally reached the seed boutique to my dismay and HUGE disappointment the bag is there but the color i wanted is out of stock ( noooooooo!!!!!) a few cries of dismay later i strutted through the human traffic (passing by school kids which i solemnly hate for their huge ego and worst sense of style. I've heard of small tees but guys wearing ridiculously very very very small tees? what WERE going through their minds? grabbing attention for mockery and finger pointing i guess..) as i bluntly ridiculed them in my head for every item they had on i finally made it to the top floor. (movie floor or so i call it) where my sister had finally purchased a birthday present for her friend which turns out was in October. or was it September? whatever should you care right? near the cart, was the converse store which in turn was the place i bought my shoe ( after much dismay and grief over the inadequate storage they have for the shoe size of the shoe designs that i love, i finally settled on a plain cream colored sneakers) and that i guess answered the question what i bought today.

sorry for the loads amount of brackets!!!! i just love to put my mind in writing (thus the purpose of my blog)

to continue on, i have learnt how to speak in German though as idiotic as i sound, i was good..

therefore, GIVE ME AN A+++ NABIL!

muahahahahahahahahah!!!!