Saturday, December 27, 2008
for the first since the start of my semester break (middle of November i think.. i memory is against me..thank you brain) i woke up early naturally! (9 a.m. is considered early.)
as i toss and turn on my sofa (my room is pillaged by my anger-driver-heavy-metal-drummer-of-a-brother) i realized that i can no longer sleep. (dang)
turned on the telly (went channel surfing over-and-over again thanks to astro's refusal to have ENTERTAINING SHOWS in the morning, *hint2*)
and finally at 10, my alarms start going off!! (to my annoying ringing tone of heart breaker by will.i.am and the alarm of the other phone that i also turned on in case i slept like a log (in which case i didn't this time :D) to my immediate reaction, my fingers quickly jammed the buttons 1 2 2 for astro kirana channel.
hahahahah!!! keroro 2 was on!!!
kero kero kero!
(as i was enjoying the show)
suddenly, out of nowhere.....
BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!
thunderclaps raged down the staircase!!!
pop comes out my sister's head from the corner...
"have you arranged the payment of your ipt bill?" she sed. ( a tone full of subdued rage..) (due to my forgetful nature i always forgot to do important things early)
"no." i coolly replied. " i was planning to do so today or tomorrow." (i answer with confidence though my real emotions can clearly be seen on my face. GUILT.MORON.IDIOT clearly engraved on my fore head.
as if the eruption of mount Vesuvius is not enough, the rupture of explosions from my sister's mouth could have made behemoths cry...
"do you realize what day is tomorrow????!!!! your going back to campus before Monday.. when exactly ARE YOU GOING TO PAY???!!!!"
i casually replied, "oh.my.god"
(the feud ended with her storming up again)
continue to watch keroro!!!
kero kero kero!!!
then without warning...
go prepare yourself!!!!
the house went blackout..
i hurried rushed to the fuse box to flip the switch open!
good news;electric was back on
bad news 1;had to wait for astro to reset
bad news 2;the channel was set to HBO
bad news 3;astro remote went ballistic and can't change channels.
(a great way to start the day..)
with my heart full of disdain for the future..
we went to the bank.
(after some boring events later ( i wont snore you to death since i was clinically pronounced dead for 2 hour of boredom waiting for my siblings to finish their transferring of money to UK) we went home, went to Friday prayers with me dad and brother and reached home later, to another unwelcome shock.
we have to go to my mums colleague's Christmas dinner! (technically lunch since it was 230pm..) (sigh)
again.. after a loooooooooooooooooooooooong sigh,
i draped myself in my diamond patterned shirt with my new cargo pant(wink2) and finished it off with my new converse sneakers (wink2) (heheheheeheheh at least i got to wore them to something before i return to college)
(beforehand i started reading this book called jpod recommended by my brother. serious fun!)
therefore, with the jpod in hand, i read the book throughout the journey.
heheheheh love the book.
(after the Christmas dinner@lunch)
we went to subang parade according to my suggestion to pester my little brother who started his new job as cashier earlier on this week. my plan worked.
as i gallantly walked into the entranced,
(smug with the win)
mum went shopping for her garlic bread in cold storage ( which she swore was good as hell)
and i, laced with boredom again, decides to annoy my big sister! (yes, we've made up) which was fun the whole day until we suddenly agree to find my little brother! (the mission begins) as stealth as a viper through the wild ferns, i have located him!!!
(nestled behind the cash register)
as i called for back up ( mom and dad)
i surveyed the land for anonymous disturbance. to my luck, non was there...
we lined up near the cash register as we lie in wait for him to notice (at the same time mocking him among ourselves on how nerdy he looked)
after a minute or so, he turned his head and saw me.
after a second has gone by he turned again with eyes wide open!!!!
success!!!! he WAS ambushed.
as the merriment ends we headed home with hearts full of joy!
ho ho ho! (the spirit of Christmas lingers since i could not get the jiggle out of my head..crap)
on the trip back home, i was ambushed.
"how are you going back to campus" mum asked in blank regards of my state.
"not sure yet.. I'll buy the ticket tomorrow."
(my plan was for her to send me at the last moment)
then you follow me to work tomorrow. go buy the ticket then.
"you have to wake up early tomorrow so you can follow me to work. 630 am."
thank you. now my mood is gone...
YES. I'm currently bitter AND angry plus a bit of wrath swirling.
I'm studying in perak for Pete's sake!!!!
already forced into adulthood.
bye bye young adult..
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The scars upon my face...
The truth that has filled the void and space upon my cheeks, chin and forehead...
Most are gone with the permission of time.
I lived. Though as vivid as the the translucent incandescent of time,
I have lived.
The scars that remain are forever a reminder.
To mark, the growth as spatial as the pace it took for me to learn.
The masks have been finally removed from my earthen spoiled face. The color hidden within the youth that has been brought up to shelter me, to protect me from the cruel uninviting evil which in reality is, itself, Reality. Though to some, this ugly dots and scratches upon the face are vile and should remain hidden from the eyes and prospects of humanity, to me, it is precious. As precious as the love of my family, of friends, and of colleagues precariously perched and etch in the memory of heavens above.
The freckles are proven of my living. Throughout my yearning for independence, to learn my place to believe in the reality I have failed. But from ashes of failure I raised. Smeared is my face. Forever tarnish by the scars of youth. But forever to be masked to live in innocence, in youth, in denial.. Never is a life worth living.
For the scars, I am proud. To mark the adulthood I shall fulfill, I am obliged to receive. Love is a sinner. Though euphoria seems forever to never end in the sentence ended in love, heartache looms to snatch the narcissism beauty of the love soiree. Twice or even quadrupled the amount of trust breached remained hidden. Blinded by love, never the lust of others managed to be discarded. Yet the yearned to be loyal etch a scar upon my heart and upon my face bit by bit. Forever this mannequin remains silent unless the strings of love are willed into discord. The tension to set foot into reality bites hard into my brittle bones.
As the worst of times moves in a circle set in motion as the wheels of time forsakes, this mannequin can no longer remain silent. With unnerving wills mustered by the strength of utter disbelieve and over proportioned hate, I bid love adieu. Au revoir. No more shall tears fall for the sake of uneventful love. Though the time spent was filled with memories that shed liquid motion down my cheeks, the scar remained are forever savored to be kept as a reminder.
Thus the fear to fall for love etches me on my cheeks. Let it remain. It is the facts. It is my evidence of the fearful taste of love. Let it stay. Yes. I want it to stay. Let it remain as my alarm. To shook me back into reality every time the mirror speaks. I love my freckles. It is my proven right. To show my indecent past of horrors filled with the demonic devils in my tortured soulful journey towards growth in this devilish psychotic chaos world of reality.
Shallow shall it seems, denial no more shall I be in. to trust in myself. Used no more shall I be. To love thy self. The precious gift god has bestows upon me. Fool me for my scars, I care not. I am proud of it. It is my prove. My reality. My future.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
sorry for the loads amount of brackets!!!! i just love to put my mind in writing (thus the purpose of my blog)
to continue on, i have learnt how to speak in German though as idiotic as i sound, i was good..
therefore, GIVE ME AN A+++ NABIL!