Thursday, January 29, 2009

dear mr blog

dearest online diary for the viewing of the public..

how are you? oh how I've long to write on your space filled with my weary-blabs-of-meaningless-no-intelligence-to-be-envisage-of-a-blog.
how i have to type in a long essay of craps that happened to me throughout my whole 24-hours on this spherical planet of ours called earth..
as a humble homo-sapien, i beseech you.
as low as i lay i began to realize how sad my life currently is.
my memoirs written here are mere ramblings of a young uneducated mind trying to find acceptance in this cruel world.

my fair online diary,
have you ever felt this?
this weird feeling of uselessness in a whirlpool filled by lust and greed thus foiled my gluttony of man ever searching for a small security sense of belonging.
of cause you never felt it right?
everyday humanity pop into your scene to see the minuscule difference you have made in the lives of many.
oh how i envy your usefulness...
how i wish i was...

i wish i was....
what do i wish to contribute?
have i any talent that will benefit mankind?
does it really makes a difference if i still breathe the next day?
agendas of a fool wish to be devoid of emotions.
to be pat on the back for every inadequate move made.
to be envied and lust over.
to take center stage.

OH how i yearn for a life worth living.

i seem to no longer have my ability to write in a sense of emotional obsession over hate,rage,lust on the topic lust.
does that mean i am successful?
am i finally devoid of meaningless emotions?
tell me Mr online diary...
is it finally here?
am i finally no longer human?

if it is true then what am i?

should i take a life...
will it bring my humanity back?
should i torture a soul with ill attempts of pain should my innocence bespoken?
should i torture another being by inducing pain upon their entire being,
straining the life out of them until the silent hush can be heard?
will ever then death be dancing upon me?
should i torture a man by taking his eyeballs out, drilling holes upon them, taking out their nails one-by-one, slicing their innards while they're still alive, burning them from the inside out be pleasurable?

i wonder...
should ever be as lovely as i imagine?
tainted blood all over the room.
filling the tubs of pleasure within me...

i seem to have found my calling.
no wonder murderer's love doing this..
the excruciating joy of inducing pain...

to start with..
i shall hook the victims by the leg to hang them...
waiting till their conscious minds awake..
if they scream, off goes their tongues.
the explosion of red divine would be heavenly welcomed upon my face...
as the shock off losing a muscle finally came to,
panic strikes their weary soul.

the fun finally begun.
shall i drill holes on to their knees.
OH what fun to see their ligaments tore off!
bit by bit until the initial fun of drilling ends,
i shall move on to slicing.
a little cut here, a big wound up there and a huge hole by the stomach!
don't die yet!
the euphoria just began!
adrenaline has yet to be enjoy to the fullest..
endorphins are just about to set.
waky waky...

a dab of petrol here.. a little over there...
a little light.. a tada!!!
a bonfire of humane flesh beseech you!

should it end there?

then take a step back and lets redo the face.

step 1)drill the left eye.
2)drill the right cheek
3)slice the cheeks! ( as the great joker's words, why so serious?)
4)pull a wire upon the torn flesh of their cheeks up to their ears.
5)burn off the tip of their nose (how i love the scent of burnt flesh)
6)gouge the right eyeball with finger.
7)pour salt and lemon juice all over the wounds
(keep in mind the patients are still alive during the whole ordeal.:) )

would eating their flesh means absorbing a bit of their holistic DNA?
will it mean that they shall remain a part of us forever?
i wonder...

:) ...

thank you oh my dear friend online diary aka "blog"

how you've brought color upon my bland and lethargic soul.

Friday, January 9, 2009


in the end lo and be hold!!!
i chose the great wave off kanagawa!

she ( the lecturer) loves both idea and i chose the painting sincw in my class im the first one to actually want to recreate a painting embodiment into a dress!

today's update;
had a screeeaaaaming headache in the morning due to last night's late night randeverous. (did my assignments... trying to finish the researc book for design class which in difrent class the lect gave 3 weeks to finis but in mine only 1 (sigh) therefore i made an early jumpstart and started it off early since i got the info already.. :) ) which in turn caused me to wake up at 11.
(good thing there is no class today...)

after much turning finally my roomate burst in after class and begged me to take a shower to accompany him to lunch. (sigh.... 1st time i was able to sleep in in weeks..)

lunch.. was free. yet the situation was not.
sucks!!! i hate chicken curry!


upon returning, it was 1230.
tired as heck (not knowing why)
i slumped on my bed and look across, signalling the evil deeds to my roomate..
he got the message and killed off the fan.
im the devil.
i influence the bad side of humanity.. :)

woke up at 230~
oh joy!

i havent slept that badly.

in my genuine gesture to finished off my off day from classes, i have planned to finish my pattern homework (7 dart manipulation including adding the seam allowence and redoning the painfully annoying slashed dart.... i had fun!)
pattern class is blast!!! (for now..)

and indeed finished it i did. :)

since i got a lot of time on my hand, i started to do my researh book again.
cut and paste over and over and over and over..

finally landing on a muse.

(mostly because i have an IN STYLE magazine's article on her.. hohohohoho)

thefore i have chosen to recreate the romantics of gwen's exuberent style and glamour!

p.s, redecorated my room...
i got 3 tables now for my work.. :)

(a lot of smileys have been put up.. must be a happy day for me.)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

i changed my mind....

i had a wonderful time today.
i went to the movies with my old flame.
i enjoyed it.

got home, did some more research!
(i love researching...)
i looked up online to help my friend for his design pictures (porcupine,hedgehogs and ocelot)
and i realized...
its not fair!!!

i want extra too!!!!
i need options...


i took hokusai'1 painting..

stag beetle..

and dahlias!!!!!

got more got more got more...

Friday, January 2, 2009

new year....

the inevitable has happened.
its new year.. (technically it has been new year for 3 days...)
new year=new challenges, new adversaries, new adversary.

new semester=pain+misery

yet again i began my search for a new muse.
in inspiration, in idol, in life.

for design, given only two options; i) livings in the forest/jungle (nature)
ii) painting from famous painters through the era

with a hint from the lecturer(i will define this class as inadequate if everyone chose the first option... sigh) i chose paintings..(which i finally made up my mind this morning..)

so.... the painting...
i chose. MADONNA by Edvard Munch.

yes. i love her.

the image long thought just to be a question mark later to be answer by the lithography version which included several addition.

the serene image a young damsel no younger than 25..
in full blossom, in her prime.
her face full of light, contempt, and the gush of emancipation can immediately be felt upon further gaze upon her lovely face..
the red halo, in my p.o.v. signifies the young angel not at her prime, still full of youth, not yet matured but still... at her best.
the dark shadows in her background symbolizes the depress reality of the world, yet unable to engulf this beauty for her presence is enlightening by the visibility of a source of light upon the face and body from the angle of left up..
she is eternal..

the lithography version includes a frame, embellished by the image of several beings what look like tadpoles or more accurately sperms. the sperms as it seems originated from a fetus. an incomplete form of a human being with a sad writhing frown upon his face. for those who reads of the history behind the artist, Edvard Munch, you'll know of his sufferings...

born without the presence of a mother, the death of her sister and eventually his entire family, death seems to be his only purpose for living..
depressed as he is he strives to disambiguate himself from the era of impressionist and divulge himself into the limitless wonder of the expressionist, where emotions and scarred memories does make its contribution.

therefore, it is only explainable that the fetus is he himself, Edvard Munch, and the Madonna as Mary or in his preference, his mother..
feeling distant, he cant really relate himself to his mother. he longs for that connection but can never achieve it for the bond can't begin if it never exist.

now, the fun part..
interpreting it into a casual dress...