Monday, December 14, 2009

dear cancerians

Cancer is a mysterious sign, filled with contradictions. They want security and comfort yet seek new adventure. They are very helpful to others yet sometimes can be cranky and indifferent. Cancer has a driving, forceful personality that can be easily hidden beneath a calm, and cool exterior. The crab is Cancer's ruling animal and it suits them well, they can come out of their shell and fight but they can also hide in their shell of skitter away back into the depths of the ocean. They are very unpredictable. With cancer, there is always something more that meets the eye, for they are always partially hidden behind the shell. They are a have a deep psyche and intuitive mind that is hidden from the world. Cancer is deeply sensitive and easily hurt, this might be why they have their defense shell in place, to avoids being hurt by others. They are nurturers so they surround themselves with people, whom after a while can offend or hurt a cancer without even knowing they did so, therefore Cancer's protective shell keeps them safe from hurt. They are complex, fragile, unpredictable and temperamental and need constant support and encouragement, more then any other astrology signs, Cancer needs to be needed. When cancer gets the support it needs, it has a tremendous amount to offer in return. When cancer gets offended, they tend to sulk instead of confronting the persons face to face. This needlessly prolongs the pain and suffering. Cancer is very possessive, not just with material possessions but with people as well. Cancer will always want to stay in touch with old friends and anyone who has ever been close to them, because it is easier to maintain a friendship then attempt to learn to trust a new person. It is easier this way for them emotionally. If you befriend a Cancer, you will stay friends for a long time. Cancer makes the perfect mother, this is the sign that represents motherhood. They have unconditional love and caring more so then any other astrology sign. Cancer are very intuitive. Most of the psychics of the world are Cancer astrology signs. They have an excellent memory and are very observant and can read people very well. They can usually tell of other people's intentions are good or not. Never dupe a Cancer, they can see your motives. Cancer has a lot of emotional issues to deal with but once they overcome this large hump of shyness and insecurity, there is practically nothing they can't do. With their strong intuition, sensitivity, powers of observation and intelligence, they will have great success in anything they undertake.

almost of all this is true..
i feel like a giant microscope is focusing upon my daily life.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

posing as me

I look in the mirror
And I hate what I see
A wannabe model
Posing as me

My mirror is watching me
trapped in the screen
Got to open this window
Let the reality in

I look in the mirror
What I see must be me
A silicon sexpet
As seen on tv

My designer's body
fits my big brothers mind
Love me or hate me
Just watch my behind

props to DJ Umek

Saturday, November 21, 2009

bloody bloodbath

today was another stringently eventful day.
though i woke up early to write my last update,
i soon fell for the calling of sir sandman and took my 40 winks until it was 1330.

twas an excuse..
but i was not in the mood to face the day...
but through my inbox text messages,
ery from unisel contacted me.
he wanted to borrow my designs for his theater production...
since i have no more use for it,
i complied.
so i had to wait for him until evening to pick it up.
have to actually face the world....

1st agenda.

breakfast-hot dog sandwich, nuggets.

re-edit/repair the dresses.


to make this less sufferable, i rang nabil up yesterday and made plans to go out later.
so. something to look forward to...

fast forward,
ery didnt reply my msgs and nabil was coming soon (it was already 730)
so fuck off
im going out.

went to sunway pyramid.
was a bit of a bloody mess it was.
parking lot was a gem hard to dig out.
was disillusion for parking space for nearly an hour.
crappy adventure it was.
but was enjoyed through and through for i had been able to hang out again with my old bloke/compadre/amigo nabil.

went lookin fer his tees we were.
for his dinner tmrow.
was lookin for autumn dresses,i meant tees.
thats the theme for his dinner.
that bloke got paired up with a beauty of a sheila, rumitha was er name.

hahaha! my slang is so badly scarred.
thanks to the influence of foreign movies...
before we head back, nabil wanted to try krispy kreme...
so we went and bought a dozen doughnuts.
fattening was the taste.
as we head back, we reminisce...
the idea of a movie marathon was beginning to rust.
we had the idea since we first knew each other.
since he is soon to fly off.
why not?
i invited him to my house for the movie.
(was looking fer a place to eat anyways)
and we got to sit down and watched eden lake.
was a gruesome movie it was.
(p.s. ery did come to pick up the dresses. when i was about to leave the mall. had to ring up my sis to help to give the dresses)

it has the same effect on me when i watched 28 days later.
a movie about death and no hope.
i love english movies.. they have purity and essence.
not like hollywood.
we just dont really expect what to happen next.
was bloody brilliant.

here's the poster

and here are some of the scenes....

now im afraid to have children of my own...

next to brett, she (paige (finn atkins)) was the worst of them lot.
would gladly run her over and reverse (12 times repeatedly) !!

Friday, November 20, 2009

a series of unfortunate disaster leading to my soon to be impeding moody behaviour

after a week of deprived thirst to taste the world outside the window, finally the day of my 2nd date, my 2nd outing actually (don't know why it seems i only go 1 outing per week and it all falls on Thursdays.... IRONIC) arrived..

to my bleak expectations, i woke up at 9 ( after much twist and turning the night before due the the exuberant amount of influx in the term of new ideas...)though happy with the thought of finally managed to imagined what the queen might look like i slept for a maximum of 3 hours! (fuck)

due to my childish nature, i woke up early.
excited. though initially sleepy, to be reminded of the outing,
im up up and away!! (from the bed)

with the regular activities in mind,

(zerronemo's holiday schedule= wake up, shower, clean clothes, dry em, sweep floors, wash dishes, cook breakfast/lunch [which usually consists of home made quater-pounder burger] eat while watching tv, go upstairs and do research/online/game [currently rune factory 2/final fantasy 8] until my eyes go red)

i didnt do any except shower, online for awhile and wash dishes (only because my big brother was in a bad mood [sheesh])

fave artist of the moment,

aghast! to my horror, my favorite piece of shorts was missing!
the outfit that has been pre-planned to wear today was disrupted
gone were the 'the look' i was going for that day.

what to wear!
in frantic, unloaded all feasable looking tee... ( all that i find cute)

i kicked and screamed while still looking for my shorts (my brother was out)
it was not in the washing machine,
not in my mum's room
not in my brothers' room
not even in my sister's!
(could my little brother brought it with him to college? i wonder....)

i looked up down high and low.
still it couldnt be found..
i even looked outside! (which seems petty at the moment)

text message received

h="bru bgn! kne tolong mama hantar barang jap. lps ni trus siap!"

z="u dah blk gtau! tgu u siap i blh siap 3 kali!"



to my dismay.

text message received

h="bru blk! nak siap!"


z="................(didnt reply'

havent found anything...

option 2.
i have many cute shirts!
why didnt i thought of it sooner??
(maybe because the look i had in mind today was easy breezy covergirl...[WTF?LMAO])

shirt 1*= nooo!!
shirt 2*= maybe...
shirt 3*= omg why did i bought this in the first place???
shirt 4*= if im going into blue collar hell...
shirt 5*= hippy me...
shirt 6*= is this mine?
shirt 7*= i give up

(f.y.i, with every pair of shirt i changed from skinny jeans, to straight cut, to black shorts and finally earth brown shorts... not tiring at all)

with the computer blaring my current favorite songs LOUDLY

playlist=(not in order of favorite)

1. doesnt mean anything - alicia keys
2. video phone - beyonce feat lady gaga
3. 3 - britney spears... (ironic. 1,2,3 not only you and me, got 180* and im caught in between! hahahahah)
4. sexy bitch - david guetta feat akon
5. down - jay sean feat lil wayne
6. tik tok- ke$ha
7. bad romance- lady gaga
8. alejandro (dont call my name) - lady gaga
9. filthy pop - lady gaga
10. no way- lady gaga
11. dance int the dark - lady gaga
12. bad romance (music video) - lady gaga
13. this is it - micheal jackson
14. russian roulette - rihanna
15. fight for this love - cheryl cole
16. badboys - alexandra burke feat flo rida
17. nobody in english - wondergirls
18. situation cant go right - lady gaga feat asher roth

i was in disillusionment...

what to wear!!!
in a deranged pursuit,
i was running back and forth still looking for the pants...
i am sweating.

text message received

h= "bru kuar rumah!"

after much rampage and berserk'n moments,
i have to settle on something...

stupid P.A. navy blue shirt
ugly SEED earth brown short pants
brown crystal bracelet (Carrollite Dolomite Hematite Chalcopyrite)
old P.A sling
black springfield

(dont know why i wear a whole lot of padini today... sigh)

with my cardy and jacket in my sling, i was almost there...

what to wear today!
list of available fragrance = ch 212, jpg, black xs, hugo, dior homme...

because of my stupidity,
i sprayed dior instead of 212.

fuck summore...

i was a disaster.

1:45 pm

h= "lg 5 minute"

fuck fuck fuck
off to tie my shoes...

after much complications,
im finally out!!!
through a long process of contemplation.
we decided on going to mid valley!

no parking...
none in the gardens.
none in megamall.
after much rousing

found a spot!
quite near to the entrance i might add
luck is finally turning

off to the ticket booth!!!
the queue was horrendous!

a loooooooong agonizing wait pursue...
oh well..
at least i get to bore my mate with the ideas and concept of my designs next sem.
if only thou had ears to pay attention to my verbal abuse... sigh

when it was finally our turn,
two ticket booth was open for service!
opting for the less attractive attendant, (thou eyes shall not gag in awe in front of me!)
we bought two tickets for astroboy!!!!

watched it on its premier!
tick was for 3:30
the time now, 3:05

will we be able to eat on time?
will we be able to actually decide on where to eat on time??

due to my shy yet private nature,
food court is a huge no-no. (too many choices!)
mcd was our replenishing spot for the day.

z= "sempat ke makan?"

h= "sempat jerh..."

z= "kalo x dapat tgk preview i blame u"

h= "oooohhhhh!! sempat jerh"

z= "(rolling eyes) yela tuh..."

h= " ha! buat mate buat mate! LOL"

we didnt get to see the preview.....
loads of seats open
not many are as enthusiastic to support my childhood hero today it seems..
oh well.
more private moments for me i guess.
yeay! no crowd!

enjoyed it
had two streak of good movie to watch!
(though for both week the initial agenda was to watch 2012....)
last week was my fav movie ever (for this season only really)


loved loved loved it!!!!
my favorite was IN THE END
because my beloved band of actors from MIDDLEMAN (4BIA)
was back!
yeay to ter aey puak and shin
owh and Banjong Pisanthanakun for directing it.


after the movie,
golly gie!
let go to MPH!
the land of marvel and fantasy...

found THE BOOK
THE BOOK of fashion!
garment construction dan design..
omg omg omg
have to tell mom.

phone was not functioning....
had to postpone...
sorry new friend... will buy you later...

through much deliberation, finally bought my research sketch book!
can finally start on my research properly.. (ho ho ho)

next stop.. KAMDAR!
looked at some fabric...
was not awed...
got a few samples...
and finally was on our way back home
(not without ice cream.. hahahah)

before the engine start to rumble, i show h my designs..
hard to explain, but hopefully understood..

home bound!
if it wasnt because of my stupid look i would have enjoyed the day...
the events pursuit cant be elaborated do to sexual contents that didnt happen...

leaving me very frustrated and annoyed..
no mood.
ate mum's mac and cheese.
went to bed...
woke up accidently at 3:45 am.
wrote this blog update...

dont let your PHOBIA bite.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Omnem dimittite spem, o vos intrantes

(rodin's masterpiece,The Gates of Hell/La Porte de l'Enfer)


cool eh?
the inscription above the gates of hell..
dante's inferno, 3rd canto

Hortus deliciarum (Latin for Garden of Delights)

Monday, November 16, 2009

rescue me....

"a far cry it seems of this lonesome man to seek. i have seen the world and i hate it. why must we traverse in this dark entity without the lights of heavens? why do the serene callings of hell make me safe??? what is wrong with this awful place?
death is all around us, to be called upon seems to be a blessing, to be ripped apart thy soul from thy wretched earthly carcass is the virtue to be seek!
to die in pain, rather in vain..
thus pain eludes us from the ecstasy christen by death!
pain as the glory of living, ripped apart thy skin from limb to limb!
gorge out thy eyes to see no evil,
carve out thy mouth and lips to speak no evil,
dig out your ears to hear no evil!
i beseech you.
do unto other what you wish to be done upon you...
may the gates of hell receive thee with guns a blaze!
cleanse my demonic soul with your blood my savior!
free me off this journey wrapped in your thorns!
slit my throat or cut off my tongue...
make me feel pain!
make me suffer!
make me believe in the philosophy enchanted by thy riddles!
answer me this....
why the fuck should you succeed when all else fail?"

laments of my insecurities....

"Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be unloved, inadequate or worthless (whether in a rational or an irrational manner).
A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value and capability, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future.
This is not to be confused with humility, which involves recognising one's failings but still maintaining a healthy dose of self-confidence. Insecurity is not an objective evaluation of one's ability but an emotional interpretation, as two people with the same capabilities may have entirely different levels of insecurity.
Insecurity may cause shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal, or alternatively it may encourage compensatory behaviors such as arrogance, aggression, or bullying, a principle enshrined in the phrase "all bullies are cowards." Many people suffer a period of insecurity during puberty, which gives rise to a lot of the stereotypical behaviors of adolescents.

In Norse mythology, a valkyrie (Old Norse valkyrja "chooser of the slain") is one of a host of female figures who decide who will die in battle. The valkyries bring their chosen to the afterlife hall of the slain, Valhalla, ruled over by the god Odin, where the deceased warriors become einherjar. There, when the einherjar are not preparing for the events of Ragnarök, the valkyries bear them mead. Valkyries also appear as lovers of heroes and other mortals, where they are sometimes described as the daughters of royalty, sometimes accompanied by ravens, and sometimes connected to swans.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

woes of quite celebration

raya went by.
it was not fun.
strangely enough,
the air around my house is not festive.
just blank...
went to kedah to my stepfather's hometown.
was there from saturday till wednesday.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

light permits through heaven's clouds

what prevails of emotions thought and creativity can never be channeled finely and remotely if it was to transverse from one unified divine form to the others.
to exemplified, the rage in mind, lust, passion, euphoric sensation, lost, melancholic, devastation... merely words of divine retribution with a lost cause if channeled wrongfully in some cases resulting in death and sinfully acts of blasphemy.

what to become of us?
we of no mere talent?
no passion i whatsoever that we've indulge in..
to forever regret the decisions i life made from moments of chaos and panic.

i, admittedly
subdue to this cohort.
i am a talentless figure.
more to a distraught mannequin to be made a foolery of.
a mockery of existence,
a sin in progress of living

yet, to make a mark is as if an ant,
a single ant of the colony able to bring back grain after a long restraint.

i have no real passion for fashion
whatever i do i try to do my best
lack of passion is my downfall.
to make up for it i have to be hardworking
sleep is inevitably lost in the process...
pimples grew over time..
but passion never seems to realize its potential in me..
i shall for eternity dwell i disbelief and chaos.
whats within me is it the same as everyone else?

physically true but emotionally mentally?
am i one of the many?
what people say is that what makes you unique is what makes of u.
your identity, your personality..
with trends and fads are we not drones???
who am i really?
talentless i am
yet retribution i seek....

to create beautiful things is what i love.
to destroy is another.
to see my creation as envy is euphoric.
but to see it completed is a blessing.
to be praised is empty.
but to be appreciated for the work completed is to be craved...

with that i leave for you pictures of my latest endeavour.
i wish not to be a victim any longer.
i wish to be free..
chains no more.
endless skies i pray for you.

Berikut adalah senarai 12 finalis Pertandingan Busana Muslim Marhaban Di Astro 2009 yang layak ke pertandingan akhir pada 6 Setember 2009 nanti.



i won third place....
1st: khairul azlan kareem (UiTM shah alam's lecturer)
2nd: nik erwan ( an established fashion designer)
3rd: me
4th: rozainie ( my friend and fellow course mate)

the design sent...

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


blinded i am by the shallow doubts of man!
oh how the constraint of decency and morality have tide me,
bind me to this wretched world of lost lusts,
deprived sexuality and missing mentality...

(end of drama)

(start of blab in..)




another blinded week of torture..
thanks to the sudden scare of the recent influenza A(h1n1) I've been sent back home to recuperate... (seems like I'm down and out... with ILI (influenza like illness mind you)
after the trip to the hospital,
i slept for 3 days.
waking up for food and toilet.
enough about that
boring old same old

due to the holiday,
I'm stuck with assignments ('hooray')

finishing up my research, looking for samples (snipped some fabric from KAMDAR myself... hahahaha so speaks the devil in me..)
and 5o designs...

how the hell am i to make total cover up ( no plunging neckline and so on..) sexy???

thanks to the morality rules I'm toast...

creativity stump;
productivity; 0 (zero)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

ive been lazy

forwardly I've been subliminally lazy to the point of business.
what with the start of the new semester and all... (im in my final year! ^-^)
this semester to start it off...
I've got design.
Malay traditional.
how awkward for me!
me and Malay don't really match.
i look the part but i don't play it... (sadly)
i don't even know the names of Malay cooking!
don't get me started with vegetable.

so with a great big sigh and huge omg3 later...
through several hours of lonely days ahead...
and again
and again
i finally agreed upon to myself to just settle for 'burung cendrawasih' (bird of paradise)

dang it.. i want to make it Gothic theme for heaven's sake!!!
might i commit blasphemy in the fashion syllabus if i do so???
whatever fuck them....
I'm gonna challenge them by making my dress as vulgar as possible! (devil's laugh ensues)

i aint happy but I'm glad.

ms prinses, queen hails from sabah.
shes good to work with.
friendly. but shouted at me (in a friendly manner) bout typical boys and their infatuation with the female figure (nude drawings)
i cant help myself.. :)

short for entepenuership
we have to propose a company together.
in a group of 6.
general manager: me (!)
finance manager: nina
operation manager: deedee
marketing manager: yuyu
production manager: nono
designer: fizi

amazingly were progressing very well...
may even start it for real :)

its finally our turn to bully!
i mean to re-educate the juniors.
as it all falls down, i became the leader for the havoc to ensue.
3 days of mayhem
let the humiliation begin....

Friday, June 19, 2009

new found love

freakin cool....

Thursday, June 18, 2009

questions ending with fruitless results...

it seems life is coming to its end.
my ex is dying.
my imagination seems to fade,
and my sights are getting more and more blurry..
is this the end?
does my creative display of creations coming to a full stop..
i feel weak..
im finally alone...
no more sound echoes in my ears...
the sense of touch are course no matter how soft the matter is..
im withering away...
the darkness is calling me..
i must adhere to its call..
good bye..
dear friends..

Monday, June 15, 2009

limp up the volume for the anonymously idiotic!

dear baby!!
fuck off been so lazy to go online!!!!
been damn lazy to even open my fb, ms, tagged, fs and so on...
don't want to be addicted to the Internet but yet..
it calls for me when it comes to downloading new songs...
like always,
been shopping to get the days over...
starting with the Malacca trip.. (nabs, izzah..finally right?)

i wanted to cancel at first coz i had to meet up with a client to discuss her design...
ive forgotten the fact that the trip was for going the next Saturday ( the same day as the meet)
managed to cancel and push it over the next week.
(cant really been in full detail cause a full week has passed OK...)

woke up at 8 ( first time in a Monet)
nabel arrived late! around 1030..
LO and be HOLD izzh was in the back.
(izzh is nabels friend whom study at the same institution as me which is UiTM Seri Iskandar studying landscape design to whom has informed nabel that she seen me but says that i pout and seem stuck up where as nabel approved of this fact. now I'm on a mission to show my true color.)

at first it was damn awkward!
but the ice begins to melt when the topic of baby and hubby came to rise...
***** is or was referred to as baby by his beau so we teased him like hell!!

oh baby baby...
how was i suppose to know...

baby its fact!!

we stopped for bfast at kfc..
which izzah just bought rice porridge therefore left me dumbfounded on how one can eat porridge for breakfast ( seriously! do people do this?)
me and nabel ate this small portioned burger but at least it fulfilled the request of my annoyingly LOUD stomach grumble.
(beforehand, we've began shopping at the petronas(i think) station's shop.)

off to MALACCA!!!

yes. off to Malacca indeed...
taking about another 3 hours to be exact!

the trip was WAY TOO long...
the Freakin GPS kept on going ALTERNATIVE ROUTING
at least it was a female voice...
nabel grouch on why the voice was not made to be more interesting..
(duh... if it went erotica accidents would be caused by aroused drivers... interesting though... erotica GPS.. should post this idea..)

when we finally touch down on the soil of MALACCA (HAAAAAAAAAAAA... (cue heavenly hymns) toilet stop was a must...

last one out of the car is a monkey!!
last one to enter the was is a monkey!!!
(i was never the monkey..)

to start the trip officially,
we went to nabels KBU fren's sister's wedding.


(nice ass)

was quite fun though..
when we arrived...
all eyes was on us..
(i felt stupid coz i was wearing shorts for the wedding... at least we managed to first change our clothes... me still wearing shorts but changed to a blue collared tee. nabel put a collared shirt over his tee and buttoned. izzah put on a whit kebaya. she looked heavenly but was spoiled by the fact that she wore here male dark brown romp jeans... (almost wanita melayu terakhir sangat..)

we saw some johorean imported dancers..
quite funny to see grown ups dance poco-poco.

continue on!!
off to JONKER!!
thx to nabel's GPS..
we got lost.

cutting to the arriving part..
we went round and round to find the parking and finally!!!!
we found it.. rm2 per entry ++ 60 cent per subsequent hour.

on the way we had to stop for shooting.. the parking was a heaven sent.
we had to pass by this huge mountain which turns out to be the A'famosa!!!
photoshoot galore...

the shopping trip began with us going to dataran pahlawan!
(i personally suggested to go there first since i hate the sun...)
bought a grey tee at F.O.S(which i later regret cause hisham's little brother has the SAME shirt.. fuck)
one shorts from padini!
managed to get izzh to agree to be my model for next sem by bribing her through buying her a pair of heels.... we paid equal amount but to me... i WON)

OFF TO JONKER!!! (Dan Gianni told me it was better to shop at night.. he used to live here he informed me sarcasticly...)

hey it was F.U.N.
the place was packed as HELL!!!
i hate crowds....
managed to score 3 shirts!!!
bought 2 for myself and 1 for hisham
oohhh.. and gifts for the family
nunchaku and scooter shaped key chain for the little brother
frog shaped musical instrument (wooden and it croaks when you stroke its back) for big brother
cat shaped wooden pegs for the brother's gf
frog shaped wooden pegs for the sis
and a metal mobile where the spinning part is a girl and a boy and the static part is a tower with a heart-shaped top.
and colorful dark blue light blue and white balls filled with lights for me!

the trip was freakin tiring!
finished on 250.
im getting good at saving..

sent izzh home later where she trusted me with the directions to get out of her kampung

after the bridge turn right or was it left.... (=_=)

got home at 3! boy was i tired...
but before letting nabel aka baby off i must3 show him my under construction room!
since he talked so much about it.. better show it to him first hand...

accompanied nabel to mid valley..
(he called me at 10am to tell 'ask' me out to meet his fren kai.. sigh)
got myself together at 1015 and waited for him at 11!
his dad pick me up.
nice fellow.
cared a lot about his young..
when we arrived we were like looking all over for *a*s that might look like the fren of kai.
was quite funny coz it turns out of then that passed by us was him.
had breakfast at starbucks and later went for a movie.
(going quite fast and briefly because this trip is quite boring..)
watched star trek. for the second time.
(really wanted to watch monsters vs alien IN 3D! couldnt watch it last week with nina since her frens came late.. we waited in what i might describe as a train of people but that is still an under statment. the line was LOOONNNNG. when it was FINALLY our turn her friend called to cancel watching a movie..ouch..)
after the movie we met kai's fren's ex.
he's quite snobbish..
hate people who thinks they're better than everyone else..
were born the same okay!
you're just attractive because u have VERY pale skin.
other than that, your face is not EVEN MIXED!

after sending them off...
nabel bought a black skinny at romp.
he looked okay... forced him to ask the cashier to cut it shorter...
topman was boring
zara got nothing new...
in the end i went shopping at watson.
bought a moisturiser for the little brother and skin care items for me..
(i got a huge zit size of mount kinabalu on my left cheek.. grrr)
went back by train!
im a native when it came to train travelling... SADLY

to hisham,
you got yourself a mountain with your name.